The Guardian, Vaguely Tolerable for Once

Well, it is when they run a column every Friday by Harry Pearson, winner of a DUC award a few weeks ago. I don't believe I'll ever see a more astute analogy used to describe a footballer than the following depiction of Italy striker Luca Toni:

Roberto Donadoni (a sort of Hollywood version of Sir Alan Sugar - damn, now they've got me at it) has chosen to couple Antonio Cassano, a man so hot-headed he probably has to spray his hair with fire retardant every morning, with the Bayern Munich striker Luca Toni, who looks like the sort of big-hearted lunk who would work a double shift digging in a coprolite pit so his best pal could go off and impregnate his girlfriend.

Pearson also manages to dub Toni the 'Italian Billy Whitehurst', in an obscurist tribute to the cartoonishly tough 80s journeyman who was allegedly so hard/ insane that he spent his spare time bareknuckle fighting with gypsies...